I started this blog to write down my thoughts and ideas about travel, cooking, decorating, living abroad, and my attempts to become a better mom. At the moment, the desire to become a better mom is weighing the heaviest on my heart so I think I'll start there.
Isabella, our oldest child, was born in July 2009. She was, to say the least, not an easy child for the first 6 months. She wanted to be constantly moving when she was awake, which meant hours and hours bouncing on a yoga ball or taking walks around town. But Isabella always slept wonderfully and that was a lifesaver. Nevertheless, it was a hard first year with lots of illness (who says breastfed babies get sick less!) and trying days. From about her 9th month onwards, when she finally got mobile, she was a different child and was much happier. Before that, I told my husband, Philipp, that we would only be having one child because I felt like, even though Isabella was more than worth the effort, she already required so much love and attention that there would be no way I could give that to another child in the same way I had given it to her. But as she became progressively happier and more satisfied approaching her first birthday, we started considering having a second child and when she was about one and a half years old we were ready to take that step.
But I was and am still worried about not having enough time to spend with my little partner who went everywhere with me from restaurants to museums. Isabella was and is such a wonderful child to us. We think she's great, as all parents think of their children. She had a vocabulary of around 100 words in English and in German by 17 months and was speaking in sentences by the age of two. We could have conversations with her by 26 months and now at 31 months she tells us stories where she invents characters and creates plots. She has an amazing imagination and is such a clown, which she gets from her father and to which I lay no claim. If we have such a great child, why do we want to have another one and not have enough time to really spend with the first one? These are the thoughts that were running through my head.
Since the birth of our second child, Alexander, on November 30, 2011, I've been feeling like, as I thought I would, that Isabella is getting the short end of the deal. Right from the start she didn't get to see me as often because I was in the hospital for 5 days after having a c-section and she got a stomach virus and had to stay home with Philipp and my mom to take care of her. It was the first time that we had ever spent the night apart and it took her almost 3 months to make it through the night sleeping in her own bed again. 4 days and counting as of today. And I'm in the hospital with Alexander again... but more on that later.
Alexander is a great baby with a much more easy-going personality than Isabella ever had. The first time he laid next to me on a blanket and smiled and cooed at everything for 30 minutes (!) without crying, I called everyone in astonishment to tell them about this amazing feat. Since then the frequency and length of time that he can spend just chilling has continued to increase. He also sleeps great, exactly like Isabella. But just by virtue of the fact that he is an infant, I don't have the time to spend with Isabella unless he is sleeping or in a good mood. I feel like we never get to finish a craft (which I am delving into doing for the first time ever...) or just sit and cuddle. I only get to put her to bed when Philipp is on business trips and then it is a race to get her to sleep before Alexander finishes nursing and fusses, potentially waking Isabella up again. And yes, I know I'm whining but this is my blog where I put all of my thoughts so I can whine all I want. I talk to my mom about it and she says it will get better as the months go by. But I don't want to just pass the time until it gets better. I want to ENJOY this time as well. Not just be able to look back at the first 6-months of Alexander's life and look at them as the lost months of Isabella's. It may not seem like a long time but at that point I would have let 1/6th of her life go by. I don't want that.
It may seem as if I am focusing on spending time with Isabella but I have plenty of time with Alexander because Isabella is in daycare in the mornings so that I DO have time for him. What I want is to increase the quality of the time that I have with Isabella in the afternoons. That is my goal. Finding a balance between doing the necessary everyday things like making dinner and doing the laundry and spending time with my daughter. I will blog about the time we spend together doing crafts, baking, reading, going to the park, and playing. I will also blog about the time I spend with Alexander doing baby massages and playing because I feel like his time with mom also gets converted into time doing housework because he is such an easy baby and I can. I want to do at least one small thing for each of them each day. And I will also blog about the things I think are interesting in child development, cooking and crafting.
Now, I am finished for the day. Alexander is sleeping and I should too. Hospitals are not the most conducive places for that.
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